Goodbye

My grandmother suffered a mild stroke a few years back, which left her only half aware of her surroundings. After that it was like she lived in a different world from ours, until Independence Day.

She has been living with my aunt this year, and they went together to see the fireworks display on the Fourth of July. Amidst the bursts of sounds and flash of colors she came to herself and suddenly remembered everything.It was as though she had been awakened from a slumber to put her affairs in order before the end.

Tonight I got a phone call from my mom with news of my grandmother's passing. As I drove home from work in the dark, listening to my mom speak, I caught a flash of light somewhere overhead. Fixing my gaze on the spot I saw a firework explode and then rain down from the sky.

Be at peace, Melba Black. You're home now.

Little By Little

My brother and I surprised my parents by showing up on their doorstep Saturday afternoon. If they stilled lived in the old house this might not have been so shocking for them (as it was only a three hour trip) but not they live ten hours away in the mountains of Northern Idaho. We sneakily got directions to the house without giving away our plans and arrived around 3:00 PM their time. My little sister (the sick one) nearly cried tears of joy at our arrival.

After a long weekend (we took Monday off work for the trip back) in which several families in the area played matchmaker with their children and my brother and I. One grandmother proudly displayed her two oldest (and eligible) grandsons, while one mother listed all the qualities of her beautiful daughter like she was the first-place pie at the state fair. We smiled politely and endured.

The trip back to Utah on Monday was loooooong. Very, very looooooong. Between a loooooooong trip, with little sleep and an abrupt change in climate, it's not too surprising that I developed the worse head cold ever. Pain killer does nothing for it. I've been going to work regardless, as I have too many financial obligations to keep me in bed all day. I just keep telling myself that, come November, I'm home-free. I'll move up to my parent's place, get a part-time job to maintain car payments, and live off them for a while. (This is of course under the agreement that I help around the house, care for my sister, and save money for the spring semester.)

October is going to go very slowly.

But, for right now, I'll just focus on getting better. That's enough to keep me occupied for a while. No more evening classes in which I'm called upon to explain something and I find myself utterly stumped because my head is too fuzzy to have even comprehended the question--even after he repeats it three times.

Going In A New Direction

My twelve year old sister was diagnosed with a bacterial arthritis in January of this year. Before we knew how ill she was, the first signs were her swollen hands. We thought it was an allergic reaction to dish soap. By January we knew better. By March she could hardly walk.

This year has certainly been a test of faith for my family. My Dad recently lost his job, my Mom has been bedridden several times, possibly because of her appendix. And she's been trying to take care of my sister, who occasionally requires a wheelchair.

I don't say all this for pity. I say it, because I see it as a blessing. My family has never been closer! The trails are not over. My Mom is still weak, my Dad is still unemployed, and my little sister still has arthritis. But, on the bright side, my sister is also improving. Her health only steadily declined until my parents bought some property in Northern Idaho, moved out of their house in Southern Idaho (in a small town where they were unhappy) and settled into a four-bedroom renter while the new house is built. Now, my sister can walk without help, and on her better days, she can run short distances.

I moved to Utah in February, both because I wanted out of that little town, and because my brother needed someone to split expenses with. Now, however, it seems my path diverges from his. In November the contract on our apartment ends, and then I will move to Northern Idaho to help my family. That, and to bring down my expenses and pay off my car. I believe the reason for my Mom's recent health issues stem from stress, so I want to help relieve that.

Leaving Utah will not be easy. I have many good friends here, and while my job is not amazing, it is comfortable and familiar. Uprooting again is daunting, but I feel that this is the right way to go.

The Lord works in mysterious ways. All I can do is heed his counsel and walk forward.

A Night To Remember

I'll have worked in the same place for six months, come the 23rd of this month. During this time I managed to develop a crush on a guy in the Produce department, but he never seemed to know I existed. (Of course that was only because I had convinced myself that I would never be noticed.) In time we managed to have a few conversations, one of which found us both admitting that we loved fantasy (a subject most employees avoid like the plague, for fear of being mocked).

After that discussion I had hoped that we would at least become good friends. Alas, another girl (for whom I have a lot of respect) befriended him and they started hanging out. I stepped to the side, afraid to intrude.

But, today he asked me out. Well, sort of. It was more a friend-thing, but the fact that he came out of his way to invite me to his brother's concert is incredible. We had spent the entire morning at work smiling shyly (we're neither of us outgoing at first) at each other as we walked by the others work place and, at last, we are really friends.

Ah, warm fuzzies.

For the record, the concert was a lot of fun, and I enjoyed his company very much.Having such a friend is a great feeling.What were the foremost topics of the evening? His mission, Institute, and Family. How many dates are like that?

It'll Be Alright

I have many songs with which I associate, most of them because I hear the lyrics and picture a character from one of my stories that the lyrics work well with. But, there is one song that is completely mine.

This song has been my song since I was fourteen, and it still works perfectly to brighten, inspire, and encourage me each time I tune into its message. Somehow it always seems to come on the radio when I need it most (even when I don't feel like I do).


Jimmy Eat World - The Middle


Hey, don't write yourself off yet
It's only in your head you feel left out
Or looked down on
Just try your best, try everything you can
And don't you worry what they tell themselves
When you're away.

It just takes some time, little girl in the middle of the ride (over, and over)
Everything, everything will be just fine (over, and over) Everything, everything it'll be alright (alright)

Hey, you know they're all the same
You know you're doing better on your own (on your own)
So don't buy in.
Live right now
Yeah, just be yourself.
It doesn't matter if it's good enough
For someone else

It just takes some time, little girl you're in the middle of the ride (over, and over)
Everthing, everything it'll be just fine (over, and over) Everything, everything it'll be alright (alright)
It just takes some time, little girl you're in the middle of the ride (over, and over)
Everything, everything it'll be just fine (over, and over) Everything, everything it'll be alright (alright)

Hey, don't write yourself off yet
It's only in your head you feel left out
Or looked down on
Just do your best, do everything you can.
And don't you worry what the bitter hearts, are gonna say

It just takes some time, little girl you're in the middle of the ride (over, and over)
Everything, everything it'll be just fine (over, and over) Everything, everything it'll be alright (alright).
It just takes some time, little girl you're in the middle of the ride (over, and over)
Everything, everything It'll be just fine (over, and over)
Everything, everything it'll be alright (alright)




And it will.

It's Return

While I am waiting a few weeks to begin the next draft of Paradise? I know I'd go crazy without something to write. So, I pulled up my rewrite of The Demon's Game, read through it, and got all pumped! So, my next project is decided. Gosh, I've missed this story.

The original finished manuscript lacked something. I felt it even as I finished the last paragraph. It has taken over a year of reflection and pouring over the manuscript before I've realized what exactly was wrong. Now, I've reconstructed the world, building history and culture that never existed. Along with that, I've spent more time on every character. While the center of the story is certainly around Death, Life, Rishay and Jenny White, I now know better than to think they can hold the story up on their own. Characters like Miyoko, Inactoi, and even Leaf Jennings are very important if I want the story to stand.

Once again I have delved into this story, bursting with new ideas and inspiration! Now, this time, I will do it right. Because I can.

Who knew building complex worlds could be so fun?